The other day i was in wards, went to see the newly admitted patient. Patient was a elderly man, with a vague backache. He had a huge tumor in his liver, which lead to the metastasis in vertebrae leading to the pain. The patient & his wife was completely unaware of the said fact. He was treated with vertebroplasty & tumor was for palliative treatment only. Next day when my consultant came, he spoke of telling the facts to patient's wife. His son & daughter-in-law opposed blatantly. But my consultant finally convinced them. We informed patient's wife about the illness. It was like her worst fears came true. She was feeling so helpless but showing that she is in full control. She was faking expressions.
That face took me down the memory lane. I remember the days when my father was ill & my mother took the stance of 'strongest member of the family'. He also never showed his weakness.I was away from them in kolkata. We knew about the disease, but it never threatened us so badly when he first got admitted to hospital, july 2011. It was renal shutdown, something like hepatorenal syndrome. After that the average survival is 6-12 months according to the literature. But we never considered it because he was alright within few days & was discharged. The admission, ascitic tapping & discharge cycle went on for many months. Every time i spoke to him, he was very positive. He was a pillar of strength for all of us. The last time he was in hospital, there was one more complication which took place. Though it was a well known complication of the disease, it is rare. Me & my elder brother kept it a secret, because the word cancer is very traumatic to all who were already down with the strength. That was tough time for me, i was heading for exams. No time even to visit him, once. We were planning for radiofrequency ablation next day, but that was not to be.....
A silent MI, tumor bleed, all took place in a fraction. He was quite well few minutes back. The pillar has fallen. All left in grief, shattered & me stranded too, in Kolkata. That was the time i hated myself most for being so far from home. The time i reached home, he was already cremated. The last time i met him was 6 months back. It was like a sin for me.The next day i visited the crematorium, i was trying to find him in the remnants, the ashes, the lumbar vertebrae, the bones, the air, the surroundings. He was no more around us. I have never missed him so badly, But had to hide my tears to console my mother.
Down the line, its more than a year now, he is dearly missed. Every time i used to call home, i expect his voice. I feel him around me, when i am alone. But the void left by him is getting bigger & bigger.........
That face took me down the memory lane. I remember the days when my father was ill & my mother took the stance of 'strongest member of the family'. He also never showed his weakness.I was away from them in kolkata. We knew about the disease, but it never threatened us so badly when he first got admitted to hospital, july 2011. It was renal shutdown, something like hepatorenal syndrome. After that the average survival is 6-12 months according to the literature. But we never considered it because he was alright within few days & was discharged. The admission, ascitic tapping & discharge cycle went on for many months. Every time i spoke to him, he was very positive. He was a pillar of strength for all of us. The last time he was in hospital, there was one more complication which took place. Though it was a well known complication of the disease, it is rare. Me & my elder brother kept it a secret, because the word cancer is very traumatic to all who were already down with the strength. That was tough time for me, i was heading for exams. No time even to visit him, once. We were planning for radiofrequency ablation next day, but that was not to be.....
A silent MI, tumor bleed, all took place in a fraction. He was quite well few minutes back. The pillar has fallen. All left in grief, shattered & me stranded too, in Kolkata. That was the time i hated myself most for being so far from home. The time i reached home, he was already cremated. The last time i met him was 6 months back. It was like a sin for me.The next day i visited the crematorium, i was trying to find him in the remnants, the ashes, the lumbar vertebrae, the bones, the air, the surroundings. He was no more around us. I have never missed him so badly, But had to hide my tears to console my mother.
Down the line, its more than a year now, he is dearly missed. Every time i used to call home, i expect his voice. I feel him around me, when i am alone. But the void left by him is getting bigger & bigger.........
